The ripped screen door

I’ve only got a few minutes. Resistance is sitting down eating lunch right now, staring out at the bird feeder, so I thought I’d sneak in behind her and write something while she’s not looking. What I want to say is, if you’ve got something to say, you’d better say it or it will eat you up inside. Take me, for example, I’ve been “writing a book” for 35 years. Yes, longer than you’ve been alive, possibly. I don’t want to die with my story inside me.

All the goddesses will come up to the ripped screen door

And say, “What do you want, dear?”

And I'll say, “I want inside.”

Ani DiFranco

I want to be one of the in-girls. One of the goddesses. One of the ones who just seems to naturally know what’s what. What okay to say and what’s not.

That line of Ani’s has stuck with me ever since I first started listening to her. I remember someone in the front seat of the car swooning over “Ani.” My friends were gushing about “Ani” and I had never heard of her. I got myself a CD, Little Plastic Castles, and listened to it over and over again. What a goddess! And she wants in. Ha! Maybe I can arrange to die at the same time as Ani and scoot in behind her when the heavenly screen door opens. 

That image, though! So good, isn’t it? You can see the goddesses gently coming up to the door to see who’s knocking, or panting, or singing, or whatever Ani does when she lands at heaven’s gate. And the way they ask her, “What do you want, dear?” with the “dear.” You know they’re older, and of course wiser, and, above all, kind. And when she says she wants in, will they let her? They have to! If they don’t, I don’t want to be in this scene anymore. That moment though! When they ask. And when she says what she wants. 

I can just see Ani staggering up to the ripped screen door in her rubber shorts and rubber bra, hair sticking out, laughing loud, but bringing it down a notch and becoming reverent as she sees the goddesses approaching the door. Because with all of her bravado, what does she really want? She wants to be in. She wants to be welcome. She wants to be safe, and know that everything’s going to be okay.

She wants to belong. Isn’t that what we all want?

How do you find belonging inside of your community? Especially now, with all the restrictions for gathering?

What do you do to stay connected?

Thanks to Zoltan Tasi on Unsplash for the photo.